Disclaimer -
1) The following statements are NOT directed to any of the amazing and dedicated educators in our state who work for our children every day, who suffer the abuse that some students direct towards them, and who never raise a hand, a finger, a paddle to, or utter an obscenity in the presence of or directly at these children.
2) This message is directed to those who believe that children should be disciplined at school in manners consistent with corporal punishment and verbal abuse. This is for those who CROSS THE LINE and then try to defend their behavior.
3) These are my beliefs and mine alone and I do not speak for the CSD board. These words do not address any one incident, but the many that have occurred here and elsewhere over the last several years that have trickled up and into the news.
You cannot touch children. You cannot hit children with your hand, with a book, or with a paddle. You cannot put the "cone of shame" around their heads even if you believe they are disruptive. You cannot call them names, you cannot bully them, harass them, target them, or "creep" on them. You cannot not "sext" them or have other inappropriate relationships with them. You can not roll them in mats and sit on them. You can not lock them in the bathroom.
They are not yours, even when those adults who contributed DNA to their existence fail to step-up and parent. THEY ARE NOT YOURS. YOU CANNOT ABUSE THEM.
Children who act out and are disrespectful behave this way because these have been the examples set for them. They learn this behavior from the adults in their lives. Their parents and guardians are often either unskilled or don't care. Sometimes, they have wonderful parents, who care deeply, and still their children make incredibly poor decisions. And sometimes, it's the environment in which a child is raised that has the biggest impact on their lives. Regardless, bad decisions are just that. While children are students, it is our job, 8 hours/day, to try to teach them how to make good decisions. No matter how fantastic a teacher you may be, I know that it is far from likely that you can undo in 8 hours the damage inflicted on some children in the other 16 hours of the day. But, you came to this profession because you believe you can make a difference and far more of you than not will come to work everyday and take the abuse that is directed your way - knowing that you didn't cause it, but understanding that you are sometimes the only hope these children have. For you, I am deeply, deeply grateful.
When these children come into your school, carrying untold emotional baggage, you must welcome them and that baggage. If you can't, you don't belong around children. School is their sanctuary. Those who hurt the deepest will try to control our schools. They are desperate to control something, anything, in their lives. They will attempt to disrupt your class. Their words will be cruel and thoughtless. They will lash out at you. They are asking you set limits, to teach them how deal with their emotions. They are not asking you to hit them or hit on them.
They are not yours, you cannot lay hands on them or demean them with words.
There are many people today who remember being paddled and who believe that teachers are well within their rights to hit, strike, push, and bully kids. These people are not bound by the same ethics as educators. What they do in their home is their business as long as their behavior is not abusive.
When I was in my twenties and the mother of my first newborn, I opened my home to two teenagers who needed an escape from their abusive parents. There were times I wanted to smack those children upside the head, their decision making skills were so poor - but I didn't. They made the choices they made b/c the adults in their lives could not make good decisions, either. I recognized that that my teens were deeply damaged and inflicting the same physical abuse their parents would never help them heal. They lived with us on and off for two and half years and then left us. I can only hope that we made a positive impact.
My parents were spankers. My father could smack your bum so hard that you couldn't sit down for a week. They were repeating the discipline their own parents had used with them. But, my parents, no matter what, would never have laid a hand on a child that was not their own. From my childhood to this of my own children, what is considered acceptable discipline has changed greatly. We do not paddle children in school anymore. We do not touch them. We do not hit them. We do not cuss at them. We do not intimidate them. We do not bully them. Much of what we do not do is dictated to us by law. It's pretty sad that we need laws to tell us how to not treat children, but we clearly need them nonetheless. Our children, all of them, do not belong to you or me. They belong to something much greater - our community. Our children are our assets but not our property, even those who are broken, hurting, hateful and disruptive. Even toxic assets have value. Look at what is becoming of Newark's Chrysler plant...
And if you have been given the gift of touching the lives of our community's children, then I expect you to follow the law and where the law does not exist, I expect you behave in accordance with the ethics of your profession. When that child pushes you to the point of breaking, teach them the greatest lesson you can - WALK AWAY and seek the guidance and assistance of another adult.
You don't have to like all the children in your lives, or me, or my opinion, but you cannot hit these children, strike them, touch them, abuse them in any manner, ever. And if you do, and you call it discipline, then you are just a wretched sick thing... And you do not belong in any school, near any child, especially mine.
It is Mother's Day and I am a mother. And I will concede that there are at least three situations in which you may need to touch a child:
- The child is in the position to cause physically injury to self or others and physical restraint is the only means of intervention available during the crisis.
- Physical comfort or nurturing is an identified reinforcer of positive behavior and has been approved by the child's parent/guardian. As a young child challenged by autism, my daughter detested sugary reinforcers, much preferring hugs and pressure. The nurturing teachers of her early years seized upon these preferences to help her develop into a beautiful young lady.
- Hand-over-hand instructions or similar instruction when requires such during OT or PT.
10 comments:
Yet we do need to arm our teachers with the tools to exact discipline effectively.
I like to think the supernanny non-violent child behavior techniques or even the dog whisperer techniques of alpha human orientation should be part of training before people who are being paid to teach kids enter classrooms.
Nancy, writing this post saddened me. By far and away, the majority of educators would never lay a finger on a child or call them names to their faces. (I will admit I have heard school personnel speak poorly about students and their parents in private... and sometimes loudly in innappropriate places.)
What troubles me is that even though most educators do not partake in such agregious transgressions, the public only ever hears about the horrible incidents that in all likelihood are statistically insignificant when viewed across the greater scale of all student-educator interactions. Regardless of the statistical insignificance, adults behaving badly just once - could become a defining moment in a student's life. And that is significant.
I do agree that we need to give our teachers every tool under the sun to make them effective classroom behavior managers. The tools - the professional development, the techniques provided to them - this will lead to positive outcomes.
This one fact will always be true: School is a child's sanctuary, no matter they test our patience nor how old they get. A student is a child. A teacher is an adult. Adults have no place in wresting sanctuary from our children.
We all need to commit to that!
I absolutely agree that teachers may not touch children in anger or punishment.
Behavioral management classroom techniques mastery should be a primary requisite for anyone hired to teach.
Teachers are required to have classroom management skills. And in most cases, when it's found that a teacher is struggling with a class, the principal intervenes to provide assistance - sometimes via a mentor, sometimes professional development - mechanisms are in place to help struggling teachers.
But what about the teacher with the 20 year career who suddenly reaches their "breaking point?" They know better. So the question is - did they really reach a breaking point or is this behavior that they have engaged in before and simply never been caught?
Do we believe that this is a first offense and defend them? Kids can be quite difficult. Or do we hold our ground and demand zero tolerance for adults who misbehave?
I agree. Has this changed your opinion of the School Leaders at Pencader over the B incident?
Ahhhh, Sue. Welcome! Planet C&E1st has been waiting for your arrival...
Okay, no seriously, I have not publicly stated my opinion of the SL or the teacher involved in the Pencader situation.
You have been extremely supportive of them in the past. Have you heard that Ms. Minnehan has resigned? I am extremely upset and afraid that the school is now doomed. It was only a matter of time before she saw the SL true colors and became of target of her arrogance.
What can we do to get Ms. Minnehan back?
Susan, you're right. I have been very supportive of Pencader's successes, especially the school's strong academic record.
I am aware that Ms. Minnehan has resigned. You've asked, "What can we do to get Ms. Minnehan back?" I would suggest calling her.
Well, she has said she will not return unless the SL is fired.
How can we get that accomplished??
Susan, I really urge you to contact Ms. Minnehan. I can' t speak for her.
As far as the SL, I really am not the person to ask. If a constituent is concerned about a charter school leader/administrator/superintendent, your first point of contact would be the School Board. If you find that you can't reach a resolution with the board, then send your concerns to the Charter Office at DOE. How either entity might respond is unknown to me. Charter's are different than traditional school districts. Elected School Boards ultimately answer to the voters. Charter School Boards are obligated to their authorizer - in Pencader's situation, the authorizer is the Department of Education. In both scenarios though the School Board hires the SL/Superintendent.
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